2 Month Anniversary Fun

I didn't learn anything on this day that marks two months since I began, but here are some things that I hope will make this day special anyway.

Today is International Talk Like a Pirate Day.

On this day in:

1692- Some guy got "pressed" to death for refusing to plead in the Salem witch trials. His last reported words were, "More weight."

1900- Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid committed their first robbery together.

1957- The first U.S. underground nuclear bomb was tested.

1985- The Mexico City earthquake killed 9,000 people.

1988- At the Seoul Olympics, Greg Louganis hit his head on the board during one of his dives.

1991- Otzi the Iceman was found by some German tourists near Austria.

Some of today's birthdays are:

Adam West- The original Batman.
Mama Cass Elliot- I love The Mama's and Papa's music.
Randolph Mantooth- For my sister- Remember how much you loved Emergency! ?
Cheri Oteri- She's fucking hilarious on Saturday Night Live. Oh, and Jimmy Fallon too!

And deathdays:

Conde Nast- An American publisher who's name gets stuck in my head all the time.
Will Cuppy, Red Foley, Hermes Pan, Slim Dusty and Skeeter Davis. I have no idea who these guys are, I just had to put them in because of their fun names.

Welp, that's it. I hope you learned something here today.

The Will to Destroy

I looked up something today that I've been a little curious about. Is there a difference between Envy and Jealousy?

Yes, there is.

Jealousy is how you feel when you have a significant relationship that you think is being threatened.

Envy is how you feel when you're lacking a skill, achievement or possession that someone else has, and you really wish you had it.

I wish I never had to feel either of these emotions, but they are both part of the normal human experience. I think being able to recognize these crappy feelings when they come up, and open enough to talk about them, can definitely help lead to positive ways for dealing with them.
Sometimes the truth hurts, but denial can kill.

Reluctant Narcissist

I've had the crappiest fucking day, but I'll spare the details and just get to what I learned today.

I'm the kind of person who will cry if they don't have anything, let alone the right thing, to wear.

This was a total shocker to me. I'm the kind of person who just jumps out of bed, puts on my favorite jeans and a shirt, then runs out the door. Of course I pee, brush my teeth and hair and stuff, but I usually don't give more than a minutes thought to how I look. Especially for work. Super extra especially on the weekend.
There are of course a few exceptions, but today, we were just going down the street for our usual Sunday brunch when I freaked out. All 5 of my favorite jeans were in the dryer, still wet. I have tons of cute skirts, but no shirts to go with any of them. My other pants are ugly, too small or just wrong. I don't know why I even have most of the clothes I have. I hate them. Actually, I think it's the extra pounds I've acquired that I hate. I just don't look right. Nothing fits. So depressing.
Anyway, after trying on at least 10 things, I yelled out, "Forget it! I have nothing to wear and I'm staying home in my nightgown!".
Then I started crying. Me! About fucking clothes! I couldn't believe it.

The Atomic Second

I think I had something like 6 full minutes alone at home today and it was the most beautiful 360 seconds I've had in a long time. It felt like time stood still. It was quiet. I could breathe. I loved it.
Right before my paradise came to a screaming child end, I had been thinking about the concept of time. The illusions we have of time. How is it that some days at work, it's lunch time and it feels like I just got there (don't say it Rebecca), and some days I swear the batteries in our clock must be dead. Some days fly by and some of them drag. Most times, 6 minutes can seem like barely enough time to do anything. Sometimes they can feel like an hour.
I'm wondering if I knew ahead of time that I was going to have just 6 minutes, would I have enjoyed it? Or was it because it was unexpected free time with an unknown end that it seemed so long?
Since I was thinking about time today, I did a little reading about it, and I learned something I don't recall ever knowing before.

Until right before I was born, what we all know as one second of time, was defined in terms of the Earth's motions. Then that same year, when teeny tiny me was discovered, the teeny tiny second got a new defintion. Unlike me, it hasn't changed. The definition is still 9,192,631,770 cycles of the Cesium (see-zee-um) atom's resonant frequency.
What?
Cesium is a metallic element, used in the atomic clock, which, so far, is the most precise method for measuring time. If you shoot microwave beams at some Cesium (don't do this yourself) and measure the vibration of the radiation, multiply it by that huge number above, you'll get yourself one cute little second. The scientist have tried this with other elements and molecules but Cesium is the only one with the frequency most relative to astronomical time. The first atomic clock was made using ammonia, but it wasn't so great.

So, that's it. That's what I learned today. I thought it was interesting.
Now I want my 9,192,631,770, times 6 or whatever, resonations back.

Retarded Hypochondriac

I've had this crappy cough for about a week now and I was sure I was dying from the West Nile Virus. There have been stories in our local papers about a few dead crow findings nearby, so of course I knew that was how I got this cough. Since tonight we're supposed to go to a pregnant friends house for dinner and a "game night" get together, I thought maybe I should make sure I'm not going to kill them all too, so I Googled it.

Here's what I don't have:

West Nile Virus. Coughing is NOT a WNV symptom. Now if I had a fever, headache, tiredness, body aches and maybe a skin rash, then I should worry. Even if I did have West Nile Fever, it would only last a few days, maybe a few weeks, and I'd get over it and live happily ever after.

I thought WNV was one of those SARS diseases where you get it, you die, slowly and painfully. Apparently the worst thing that can happen to you if you get it, besides feeling like you might want to die from the pain, would be some permanent neurological effects. And what's a little permanent brain damage? what's a little permanent brain damage? what's a little permanent brain damage? what's a little permanent brain damage?

Finding My Religion. Or Not.

I took a quiz today that's supposed to tell me what religion I practice or should consider practicing. While I don't believe the result I got was totally accurate, it was interesting to see. I think if I paid more attention to the "What priority do you place on this selection?" that came after each quiz question, it might be more accurate. But I really don't care that much. I know what I believe and I practice or don't practice whatever I practice based on that, and that's enough practice for me.

Here's what I learned are my top three closest matches for my religious beliefs:

1) Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants
2) Unitarian Universalism
3) Liberal Quakers

I've never even heard of these before. I like the sound of Unitarian Universalism, and I like that Liberal shows up twice. Nicely enough, along with the quiz results there's a handy link of each religion for further reading. I have some thinking to do tonight.

Here's the link if you want to take the quiz yourself: Belief-O-Matic
Yep, it's actually called Belief-O-Matic. How much do you love that?

Unitarian Universalism. Unitarian. Universalism. Uni. One. I like it.

I'd love for you to comment your results.

Peace Clause, Santa Claus and My Claws

I had a discussion today about the possible repeal of Article 9 in the Constitution of Japan. I didn't even know Japan had a Constitution, let alone know what Article 9 was. History was my favorite class for napping or writing love notes to my boyfriend(s).

So the first thing I learned today was:

Japan has a Constitution.

The second thing I learned was:

Article 9 is a section of this constitution also known as the "Peace Clause", which says that Japan renounces war and won't maintain any armed forces, or use force as a means of settling international disputes.

I also learned:

Japan has the 4th largest defense budget in the world.

From what I understand, Japan would like to be more of a modern country, or more "normal" as they say. They think this Article 9 is outdated and they would like to be able to defend themselves against North Korea and shit. Understandable.
I've spent the last few years thinking about how so much of what we all do and take for "normal" is outdated, like we're all still using Windows 95 or something.
Like marriage, coal mining, religion and Santa Claus.
These were all useful and good at some point in our history and development. They served a purpose for their time.
But really, instead of marriage, can't we just go get a legal document with power of attorney for our loved one, regardless of sex? Same sex, no sex, one sex, three sex, who cares?
Why is there an abundance of free, clean sunshine that could run our computers and possibly our cars and so much more, yet people are being trapped and killed mining non- renewable, air polluting coal?
Hasn't religion killed more good people than saved them?
What kind of a lesson is it to children to "be good" all year and Santa Claus will reward them with material possessions? (made in China no doubt). I hate the way we're all supposed to put on the holiday spirit and be more kind and generous to our neighbors for "the season". Fuck 'em the rest of the year, right?
Is there really a threat of Japan bombing Pearl Harbor again?

I think we should all be rethinking a lot of things we do on automatic. Closet cleaning is a very rewarding experience.
I also think every country should just put a "Peace Clause" into their constitution.

A Night Off

I just learned that:


Grandma is spending the night tonight!



What a nice surprise. I'm going to escape while I can.

5 Years and a Dime Later

Yes, I admit, I used that title so I'd get found on today's expected surge of searches for Sept. 11, but I also really did want to write something related to the issue.
I've spent the last week with a sense of forboding about this day. I was honestly expecting something bad to happen. So much so, that last Friday at work, I left some crap unfinished, thinking it wouldn't really matter once Nine Eleven 2006 arrived.
Well, as the uneventful end-O-day draws neigh and the status quo remains the status quo, I've learned what it means to find a dime in the United States Postal Service parking lot today, September 11th, stamped 2001.

It doesn't mean anything.

I'd like to think it was a special message to, "Never forget what happened on this day, in this year, five years ago", or saying, "Today we are safe", but I think if it means anything, it means some mail carrier (maybe Dan, our hottie mailman?) had a hole in his or her pocket today.
It was still a nice little experience though, and I'm glad I got to waste my free thinking on the "What does this mean?", question, instead of surviving mass destruction and devastation.
BTW, I left the dime on the sorting table inside the post office, hoping someone else will have a chance to wonder what it means to find a 2001 dime today.

Goodnight Sweetheart

I'm so tired. I was just looking for a nice image of a girl sleeping for my post, and then I was going to write something about teaching myself to go to bed early. Then I found something a teeny bit more interesting. I said a teeny bit.

The period of falling asleep is called the Hypnogogic state, and waking up is called the Hypnopompic state. There is something called Hypnogogic Sensations, which are dream-like experiences that occur during either state. Have you ever just drifted off to sleep and then jumped up suddenly because you felt like you were falling? That was a hypnogogic sensation.

It was very interesting reading, but I'm really tired. I'm going to go do some field research and see if I can find some fun hypnogogic sensations.

Here's a little blurbage for your reading pleasure, but I recommend you go look it up for more interesting information.

The hypnagogic state can be accompanied by or associated with anomalous phenomena such as alien abduction, ESP, telepathy, apparitions, or prophetic or crisis visions....

Say Cheese!

The other day I was looking for something fun to do with a 4 year old, and I came across a recipe to make your own cottage cheese. Now there's something different. Only thing is, you need sour milk. When was the last time we had sour milk in the house? Well, lucky (?) enough for me, we just happened to find some in the fridge this morning, a split second before it got poured onto breakfast. Ta-da! Ask and ye shall receive.
According to the recipe I have, you just need to slowly heat the sour milk until a liquid (called whey) forms on the top, and then you pour it off to get your "curds". Go ahead and say it. Miss Muffat. There.
I found out later that you need to start off with not just sour milk, you need down-right disgusting, curdled, solid rotten milk. Ghee-ross. Since I had already begun heating my only-a-little-gross sour milk, I continued on and learned the following:

I can make Ricotta cheese! And it's not bad. I just simmered it for about an hour, and little white curds started to appear. I poured the whole thing into a colander lined with cheese cloth (now I know why it's called that) , added salt, squeezed it a few times, and voila! I have something that looks and tastes exactly like Ricotta. It looks just like this picture.

So I'm thinking tomorrow night I might make lasagne for dinner. I also think I might start getting in to making other kinds of cheese.

Zine Fest

The only thing I really learned today, I learned on Myspace.

A "friend" I have, mainly because I like his name and picture, posted a bulletin about the San Francisco Zine Fest this weekend. A bunch of people who publish their own Zines or comics will be showing their stuff and it sounds pretty cool and interesting.

I didn't know about it yesterday, so I figure this is something learned. Today I'm blogging it, tomorrow I'm attending it.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, a zine is usually a small circulation, independent, self-published mini-magazine, that almost never makes any profit.

San Francisco Zine Fest

Why?

Someone is earning a living making shoes for dogs.


Sorry, but I didn't learn anything else today. Can anybody please explain this Photoshop hack job to me, and then tell me why a dog needs shoes? Nevermind. Please don't.

Atlas, Amber, Alcyone and Automobiles

Some interesting stuff I learned today and funny enough, it All starts with the letter "A".
It started when I Asked myself, "What's the big deal About Subaru's? Everybody fucking loves Subaru's. What Am I missing here?".
A while back I heard they were marketing to lesbians, but since I Actually know only one Subaru driving lesbian, I thought I'd figure out if there was something else About them that Attracts Alot of people I know. Which led to the following:

Automobiles: Subaru is the Japanese term identifying the cluster of (the car company says six, but I say seven) stars, known as Pleiades. How they decided to use this term for their name is semi-retarded as far as I can see. They say in 1953, 5 Japanese companies merged to form a new corporation, and that's why their logo is 6 stars that look like Pleiades even though there are 7 stars in this cluster, one for each of the Greek mythological seven sisters. I guess they're being visually literal and taking into account that you can only really see six of the seven. Whatever. Sounds lame to me. Maybe they had a different numerical system in 1953.

Alcyone: One of the seven sisters, sometimes known as Halcyone, which is also another name for the Kingfisher bird. The largest kingfisher is the Laughing Kookaburra, which made me laugh so I had to share. Kingfishers kill their prey by beating it to death, which I also think is funny. Yes I do.

Amber: Amber is Latin for Electrum. Electrum in Greek is Elektron. Another of the seven sisters is Electra, which means 'amber'. Some guy (Thales of Miletus, but who cares?) in 600 BC discovered that a rubbed piece of amber will attract bits of straw, thereby discovering static electricity. So which came first, the chicken or the egg? I don't know what any of this means anymore. Elektron= Electrum= Amber= Static Electricity when rubbed= Electricity= Carmen Electra. That must be it.

Atlas: Of course this led to Atlas, whom I'm embarrased to say I didn't know or remember until today, is the father of the seven sisters.

And that is All I learned today. I still don't get the Subaru thing though.

Things I Never Knew About Myself

I was just sitting here thinking that the only thing I learned today was that sometimes I'm an idiot. Then I realized that I've known that for a while now, so I can't blog that tidbit. After a few minutes of self reprimanding followed by a spritz of "who cares?", I read my e-mail. My faithful reader and person I call Bitch (aka Mom), sent me a fun link. I'll give it to you in a sec, but first you have to read some new information I learned about myself today.

• I've slept through most of 14,147 sunrises.
• I could boil 4.46 US ounces of water with the birthday candles on my next birthday cake. If I get one.
  
• I'm the same age as a dog that is 5. 53698630136986 years old.
• My Native American Zodiac sign is an owl. I didn't realize there was a Native American Zodiac.
• My musical vibration is a C sharp. A female deer on a C sharp major scale.
  
• My Yang and Yin are in perfect balance.
• My Life Path number is 11, which is a Master number. Oooooh, I'm special. It means I have the potential for greatness. Yep.
• My conception day was most likely on a Tuesday and in a car. Right mom?
• My birth tree is a Fig tree. Yum. I love figs, but a birth tree?
  
• The picture above is my Chinese sign, Year of the Goat. Maaaaaaa.

Wasn't that fun and interesting? Now you can go find out this interesting kind of knowledge about yourself.

Click here if you're an idiot too sometimes.
Click here if you're never an idiot.

I love you mom.

Non-Instant Karma, or Steve Irwin Finally Bites It

Aw, sweet, docile, graceful stingray. How beautiful you are. I think I'll wrestle you and torture you for the purpose of entertaining a bunch of idiots. Here I co .. shit ...I ...think ... stung

Stingray's can kill you.

I know, you've already heard that, but I really didn't know that a stingray would sting you and you could die from it. I also now know that stingrays are in the Dasyatidae family, of the Rajiformes order in the Chondrichthyes class of the Chordata phylum in the Animalia kingdom, and that Wikipedia has already cited Steve Irwin's death under the "Aggression" section on it's stingray page. Wow, that's pretty wiki-wiki, Wiki!

Really Serious Vodka

I just signed the counter to the counter to the counter on the offer for my house. Yay me. (Notice no exclamation point here). It's definitely Martini time folks, and lesson time. Here goes.

Hangar One makes a fine Grey Goose alternative for a dirty martini. Or two.

And I'm not getting paid to say so. They're pretty cool. Check them out.
Hangar One Vodka.
I like the picture on the front page. Alot. I am drunk. Ish.

The Conquest of Happiness

Boring day for learning, so here's a quote I found appropriate.

There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge. ~Bertrand Russell

Like this sign I found on Engrish.com

May you have good pleasure here.

Tom Skat

Luckily, I learned today that:

Not only has Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' (I'm not on a first name basis like most people think they are) little Suri been born with a silver spoon in her mouth, but she's lucky enough to have a bronze casting of her first real turd.

Artist Daniel Edwards thought, "A bronzed cast of baby's first poop can be a meaningful memento for the family". And if that weren't enough, it's going to be sold on E-bay after being exhibited in the same New York gallery that thought a life size, nude sculpture of Britney Spears giving birth would be an item of interest. I'm considering offering my bid to buy it.

I thought having my daddies baby shoes bronzed was a snobbish, stupid thing to do...

Fermented Milk Product

We all had Thai lunch together at the office today, one of my favorite meals. We like it spicy and spicy it was! In fact, it was so spicy, our designer could barely eat it and wanted yogurt. Yogurt? Yeah. Here's what I learned:

Yogurt helps tame the spice burn. There are several dishes made from yogurt for this very purpose. Thair Shadam, or Thayir sadaam, is a yogurt-rice course. It might come with hot pickles. Hot Pickles? Mmmm. (Wouldn't that defeat the purpose though?) Dahi is what they serve with Indian food. Raita is fresh yogurt with spices, cucumber, onions and tomatoes.

I had no idea. I guess they only serve it to wimps.

Sex

I didn't learn

today.

But I got your attention using "Sex" for a title, didn't I?

Things To Do at Burning Man

My excellent friend called me yesterday on his way to Burning Man (he does this every year), and (once again) I'm still here, living vicariously through the website. One of these years...
Here are some things I learned today, that you can do this year:

• Get married by a whore
• Have a sacred sexual massage ( if you're a woman)
• Build a home with Legos
• Treasure hunt for a Pee Funnel
• Play "Weird Poker", where you make up the game as you go
• Get a free pair of panties
• Ride tricycles on a figure 8 track
• Give your feet a vinegar foot wash
• Enjoy a blowjob on a stick
• Learn to snort Vodka
• Play on a Slip n Slide
• Adopt a Gnome
• Get your carcass washed by other humans
• Learn some good old fashioned pole dancing
• Get flogged
• Take a fire breathing class

And so much more.... It makes getting up and going to work this week even harder. I hope he brings me some pictures. At least!

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

I think I'll start with The Bad Crap that I learned today.

The stupid people who's house I was going to buy, accepted the other offer. Hmph.
I'm sorry for calling them stupid. I'm just poopy. And they must be dumb. Ok, sorry again.

The Good News is:

I have $85!
Woo hoo! I thought I was in the hole a few hundred bucks and that was why I kept getting "Credit card failed" e-mails from my website host.

And The Ugly would be:

I have to switch my website host because, yet again, there was a "glitch in the system", which "suspended" my website due to an incorrect failed credit card error even though my quarterly bill isn't due until next month, and I have 85 bucks in my account even if it were due right now.
Hand over that 44 pistola, would ya Clint?

Full-Court What?

At 9 freaking AM this morning, Sunday morning mind you, my realtor calls both of my phones to wake me up and tell me someone is about to make an offer on the house that I want. The one I was just dreaming about when the phone jerked me awake. E-gads, now what? I want that house, damn it! Last month I swear he said it was a buyers market. Whatever. Anyway, his suggestion was to put in an offer immediately, at more than the asking price, with a short 2 week contingency on selling my house, and "We'll put on a Full-Court Press". Ehm, excuse me? A what? When I said I've never heard this expression, this is what I learned:

A Full-Court Press is a basketball term, referring to a desparate manuever where the entire defense puts intense pressure on the offense the full length of the court, and something something something.

Wait a sec. I drank a lot of alcohol last night and it's only 9 o'clock in the morning. Weren't we just talking about my new pool? So of course I say, "And this applies to my house how?", and my lesson continued:

Figuratively, it means a vigorous attack or offensive. And in real estate, in my town, on a Sunday morning, it means wake the fuck up and start selling your house like you're Dennis Rodman.

Or something. So, anyone want to buy this cute house? It's on a quiet street with good neighbors, has a big backyard, a fireplace, cool hardwood floors, ......
And someday you can tell everyone you live where THE Donna Piranha (not Madonna) used to have sex on the living room floor. Right there! (See Advice From a Hedonist, down at August 10th).

Blog Before You Party

Yeah, what she said.

Calling All Planets

Due to financial cutbacks, we're going to have to let someone go. Which one of you is Pluto?
Yesterday I heard that it was Jupiter who got fired, but today I learned, it was Pluto who got the axe. Poor little guy.
The new official mnemonic will be; My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nothing.
Remember, you read it here first.

New Neighbors

I just learned that we have new neighbors across the street!

How exciting. And scary. Who are these people? I hope they bake us cookies. Oh wait, I guess I should be the one doing the baking. Darn. Anyone have any good recipes?
This new neighbor knowledge, (NNK), has prompted me to look up the demographics for this town. Here are some interesting things I also learned today:

• In 2003, the number of murders and homocides here was 0. That's zero.
• There are more women here than men, by about a thousand. Total population is only about 9 thousand.
  
• 93% of the people here are white, but I totally do NOT believe it. (Our new neighbors are in the .4% ethnic group, which is super refreshing.)
• The average lifetime diesel soot cancer risk is 1 in 4,900. I wondered what that number was. What it is where you live?
  

So that's it for today. It's going to be fun learning about the new peeps! More to come.

The Other Side of the Needle

An old friend called me today, crying. She's going through a really ugly divorce and needed support. I lovingly listened and sympathized through her side of the story and did my best to comfort her. I think I said the right things. I hope I made a difference.
I really want her to know that I completely and totally understand. I've been there. I've learned. I know. When you're in the middle of it, it's hard to see that it won't always be so messy and blurry and crazy. I hope I got that across at least.
I know it sounds terrible, but while I was listening to her, something good happened to me. I saw a beautiful picture of my life. 10 years ago it was me going through hell while she was enjoying her precious new baby. I wasn't jealous, but I was envious, in a positive way if that makes sense. I wished I could be in her shoes. So secure, so loved, so peaceful. I never, ever thought that I'd be sitting here, in my own cute little cozy home, with the almost greatest guy right beside me, our own little guy asleep in his little bed, after a day of listening to her seperation woes. Never. So today I guess I learned a few things.

1- Things change. Dramatically and quickly sometimes. Of course I already knew that, but this really made it obvious, like nothing ever has.
2- You really can't tell how happy people are just by looking.
3- There are no perfect relationships. There are good ones, and great ones, but none are perfect.
4- You get what you want, eventually.
5- I'm really proud, grateful and satisfied to be where I am right now.
6- It feels soooo excellent coming through the other side.

I think sometimes it's good for you to squeeze through and get a little scarred. I can't imagine if I didn't. I'm so much stronger now. And wiser. I know she will be too. I hope I can help her to see that.

Protege of Life

Today was more about practicing than learning, and since practice is part of the protege's lesson, I'd say it qualifies for "What I learned today". So today I honed my skills of taking the bull by the horns (ew, a cliche) and practiced what I love to preach. (ew again! There must be something in the water). Here's what I did:

I had confidence in myself. I put myself out there. I said, "I want this", and I made steps in the direction I want to go.

I've been taking these steps in many other areas of my life lately, but this one is HUGE for me.
I... sent an email... to someone at a major newspaper... telling her.... I want to write for her! Why not? The worst she'll say is no, right? And then I'll make the next move. I'll try again. It's better than nothing. It's better than waiting around. It's better than television.

She'll probably read this and it's not my best. Oh well, that's the way the ball bounces and the cookie crumbles. (double ew) Oh, by the way, I think this picture is supposed to be some mythological porn or something, but I like it because it's a woman with a bull, his horn in her hand and there's nothing aggressive about it.

To Moissanite or Not to Moissanite

Part of our design meeting today was spent deciding whether we should use real diamonds in our jewelry or man made one's called Moissanite. In comparisons, not even our designer could tell which was the real thing. I have absolutely zero interest in diamonds except for it's use in technology. Did you know that a diamond could be used to make a computer so fast that it would "melt the innards of todays computers"? We could have cell phones in our watches. Our grandparents could have frictionless hip replacements. It's too bad they're being wasted in ugly engagement rings. They're quite rare I hear. Anyway, I'd never heard of this Moissanite, so Rebecca, gem girl that she is, enthusiastically explained it to me.

Fifty thousand years ago a meteorite crashed into the Arizona desert and scattered fragments of itself all over the place. Some guy (I'll let you guess his name) back in the 1890's started studying this space litter and realized that the shimmering garbage was almost identical to a diamond. A hundred or so years later in the "Synthetic is better" day and age, we now have a man made version called, "We're not using it".

Well, that's my version of what she told me, and that is what I learned today.

Top Keywords

Yesterday's blog brought a lot of traffic from searches for "emo", which totally surprised me. I guess it's a more popular word than I realized. I still prefer my original meaning, but I guess that's not really the point here. Anyway, it got me curious about the things people search for, so I did a little research and found the top key words searched for on 3 of the biggest search engines. It was interesting how you quickly get a picture of the who uses what engine. Here's my summation:

Today's top 3 keywords on Google - Segolene Royal, TSA, Leiberman

Today's top 3 keywords on Yahoo! - Polly Klaas, Haley Joel Osment, Zsa Zsa Gabor

Today's top 3 keywords on Lycos - Myspace, Poker, Pamela Anderson

It appears to me that the intellectual's use Google, the sensationalist minded go to Yahoo! and the cool people are using Lycos.

Hmm. What do you use?

It's Emo, not E.M.O.

I've been hearing my older boys saying stuff like "That's so emo" or "She's totally emo" and it sorta catches me off guard. What the hell are they talking about? Those phrases make no sense to me. How can something be EMO? Isn't EMO more of a verb, or maybe more acurately, a request, than an adjective? So today I finally decided to look it up. Here's what I found on this really great website. Check it out yourself.

Urban Dictionary definitions of the new EMO

Ok, now I get it. In my own words, it's sort of like the next step up from Drama Queen. The perfect description for a few people I know.
I must be getting old though. EMO was one of my favorite things to say or to, yes, command, in high school. Does anybody else remember what it used to mean? Maybe it was a term exclusive to just my weirdo friends and myself. I'd love to hear from anybody who remembers.

BTW, this image is from a book by Dianna Cage. I haven't read it yet because I don't really need to, but maybe you should check it out.

How to Score a Ben

We all needed a drink today after work, so my boss, co-worker and I went over to a bar/restaurant downtown. We got a great table outside so we could "people watch", as my boss likes to do. We ordered, drank, talked, ordered more, talked, ate, and drank more. As we lingered over our lovely drinks and tasty snacks, we were only vaguely aware of the dinner crowd that was starting to arrive. Vaguely aware that is, until we started hearing some complaining about wanting a table. We ignored the first "Hey, I'll give you 50 bucks for that table", and continued shoveling baked brie onto our flat bread. Dum-de-dum, cheese, whisky, bread. Yum. Now, here's what I learned today:

If you go to The Swiss Hotel before 5pm on a Friday and get a cute table out front, eventually some cocky, giant guy (a local realtor in our case, coincidentally named Ben) will give you a hundred dollars if you leave and give him your coveted, red checkered table. So, drink, eat, talk and take your sweet ass time with that dipping oil, then take the money and laugh!

Now you realize I can't promise this will happen to you. And it's also possible that it could happen anywhere.

Preparation Schmeparation

At the beginning of this year, at the office where I spend most of my days, we made a pact to be more organized, efficient and prepared for the chaos that sneaks in and surrounds us. We identified our weak areas, brainstormed, got creative, and came up with some excellent ideas and procedures. We implemented our new plans and things we're going well. Then we had our first quarter review and saw that our sales were down. Not because of our new policies, but because of the changing economy, gas prices, etc. So, we re-evaluated and made some more changes, and now we're basically back to our old ways. It's August now, the pre-holiday rush is about to begin, and it's time to start preparing for the next round. But today as I was contemplating a new structure for the coming months, I stopped myself. I think I finally figured something out.

I'm wasting my time preparing for what's coming. Most likely, whatever I think is going to happen in the future, probably won't. Just take it as it comes. Expect the worst, hope for the best and get on with it.

I think it must be bad Karma to be prepared. I have this nagging feeling that had we not held these pre-planning meetings and gotten so damn prepared, sales would be higher.

Our best laid plans have gone awry.

Today is Not Tuesday

Plenty of times I've had the horrific experience of a Wednesday that felt like a Friday, and I really hate those days. It sucks when you realize that you still have 2 days to crawl through 'til the weekend. But today, this morning, in my car, I had the joyous and rare occasion of being wrong in the right direction. I thought it was Tuesday. So today, the best thing I learned was:

Today is Wednesday!

Yes! And while Wednesday is no Thursday, it's better than a Tuesday. Actually, I like Wednesday. I look forward to Wednesday. It's the only day in the 7 day week that I get to actually spend time alone. I love it.

Can somebody please write me a song about Wednesday?

Man Will Space Walk

This morning I heard on our local radio station, KSVY, that Russia, Japan and NASA can't find the original moonwalk footage. Perhaps the skeptics are genius today. I don't know about the facts or details of this story, but here's all the proof I need to know it really happened:

Neil Armstrong's Moonlanding Speech, in reverse. Click here.

This is the original "One small step.." speech played normally, and then in reverse. Can you tell what it says?

Because if it says something barely intelligible in reverse, you know it's true!
(Yes, I jacked this from Reversespeech.com. Please visit their site so I don't get arrested.)

Things I Learned in Fresno

After way too long in the car, we arrived in.... just kidding. I am NOT, I repeat, NOT, blogging about my trip to Fresno. I am, however, going to share a few things I learned in the city where I was conceived, born and then moved away from as soon as I could say, "Get me outta here!".

• "Nyob zoo" means "welcome" in, from what I can gather, a language spoken by Southeast Asians called Hmongs or Mongs. It does not mean "Net Your Own Booze at the zoo".

• "Zorro" means "fox" in Spanish. For some reason that is very funny to me. The Masked Fennec slashes tiger at Chaffee Zoo...

• Cher went to Fresno High.

• I could buy a house there 4 times the size of the one I have now for the same price.

• And lastly, my very favorite. According to my cousin, a man there feeds hundreds of pigeons daily as retailation for a ricockulous "Eminent Domain" case that has brought a Hummer dealership across the street from his home. And, due to some other dumb legality, there's nothing the desparate salesmen can do about all the pigeon shit. I love it.
  

Did you actually think this wouldn't be interesting?

Blah Blah Blah-G

For weeks now I've been rummaging through numerous Blog-O-Sphere's, searching for a good one to read and/or network with. It hasn't been a fruitful venture for me. I suppose I can understand why people want to journal their travels, but I didn't find much excitement in reading them. I can kinda get why people want to puke out what they did all day, but I don't really care unless I know them. Political rants turn me off completely, and I just don't have the time to read those long, long rambling ones. So today was my day of reckoning. Today was the final straw. Today was the day when I decided that:

Most blah-g's are as interesting as a laundromat.

Please, I beg, find me a worthy blog! Something fun and interesting and different and smart and creative!

BTW, I may not have access to a computer for a few days while I travel this weekend. (Oh darn,I won't be able to blog my boring ass trip to fabulous Fresno) This will be a good time to go back and read through my educational past month and make those comments you've been thinking about leaving....

Advice From a Hedonist

After amazing, miraculous sex in the wee hours of this morning, I came to a conclusion (among other things) about something I'd been wondering about for a few months now.Why is it that sometimes sex is sooo amazing and sometimes it's just ok? Well, I now have my own theory, which I offer as free and sound advice from the voice of experience to all of you other pleasure seekers out there.

If I have spent my day dealing with numbers, sex is good. If I've spent my day writing, sex is STUPENDOUS. Now, I'm a lover of both math and the alphabet, which is a rare condition I am told, so at first I didn't think there was any correlation between what I do at work and what I do on the living room floor. But the more deeply I looked into it, the more I realized that there is indeed a relationship. Math and numbers put me into a logical, square-ish, up-tighty mode,which is not conducive to excellent sex. Think of your crabby third grade teacher. She never had sex. Likewise, letters and words make me all flowy and happy and calm, which is perfect for getting creative, which leads to, well, if you don't know maybe you should pick up a copy of Cosmo. Anyway, I love writing and if a day spent with words equals great sex for me, I'd say my official theory is thus:

Spend your days doing what you love and you'll have excellent sex! Or, have sex on your lunch hour, which is always fantastic.

Or read Cosmo. Or all of the above.Take your pick.

Message in a Bottle

My cousin sent me a link today to a website called OceanGram. You can send a "Message in a Bottle" or you could receive one, from anywhere in the world. It's kinda fun! Here's the message I received today:

It is 11:33 PM, Monday, 07 Aug 06 here. What is where you are?
---it is Tuesday 9:26 a.m. August 8 here - USA, Tennessee
---It is 11:36 a.m. on August 8, 2006, in Phoenix, Arizona USA
---10:19 pm in california ~~MDC mama
---Its 3:33pm here, 9th Aug in England, UK.jamieoliver22

Yum, I wonder if this Jamie Oliver is the Naked Chef or whatever that guy calls himself. Anyway, here's the link. You might need to install a Flash program to use it, but it's pretty simple to do.

OceanGram

I'm not telling what message I sent...

Poor Man's Toe

Today whilst doing Spork research for a friend (yes, indeed), I learned a new word, portmanteau.

A portmanteau is a word made from combining two different words together to make a new word. Breakfast & lunch = brunch. Smoke & fog = smog. Spoon & fork = well, you know. It's from the French words "porter", (to carry) and "manteau", (a coat or cover), so you can obviously see why it's used to mean combining two words together. (Cartelduexmots must be the word for walking with your jacket in your hand.)

Is uselinfo an appropriate portmanteau? Does my favorite word, Ricockulous count as a portmanteau? What's the legal limit to how many times you can use the word portmanteau in a blog? Make up your own portmanteau and send it to me. I'd love to see one using the word portmanteau.

Stop Reading!

Nothing exciting today, but I read this quote last night and have been thinking about it today.

"Reading, after a certain age, diverts the mind too much from its creative pursuits. Any man who reads too much and uses his own brain too little falls into lazy habits of thinking." ~Albert Einstein

No wonder I'm more interested in writing than reading these days! I guess I'm a natural born genius.
Hey! Look at this picture and then look at mine. Great minds wag their tongues alike I see.

Death Proof

Today I learned that:

My idol Quentin Tarantino is working on a new film with his crazy friend Robert Rodriguez. The movie is called Grind House and will feature an hour of QT's horror movie Death Proof and an hour of Rodriguez's Planet Terror, with a fake trailer in between. It's planned to be released in December, and I can NOT wait!

Just look at that poster!

Anti-Knowledge

I ran across something today called "Anti-Knowledge". Really? Anti? Hmm. Interesting. Here's a little description:

Anti-Knowledge - (From creative science) /anti’-nä-lij/ The collective set of questions that form an antithetical structure to a subset or the sum of knowledge. The sum of questions has a yin and yang relationship with the sum of human knowledge. The dividing line between the sum of whatever.

Screw this. I'm not into anti- knowledge, I want to learn something real. So I decided to play the Ask-the-Dictionary-a-Question game where you ask an important question, open the book to any page that "feels right", close your eyes and put your finger anywhere on the page and get your answer. Except I have internet, and consequently have freed up a sizable space on my bookcase by donating my dictionary to the Goodwill. The closest book to me was The Tube Amp Book, (don't ask) which I thought would work just as well, so I asked it my important question of "What did I learn today?". Here's what I got.
"In closing I should say that my personal opinion is that I would not change a small Fender which uses 6V6s to the larger 6L6 tube.". I think that means either Anti-Knowledge rules supreme or that today I learned...

Nothing.

Sorry to disappoint you. It's early and I have a long night of relaxing ahead of me, consequenting in the collective set of answers that form an antithetical structure to a subset of the sum of knowledge...

I should also say that playing this game is not my usual means of learning for the day.

Random Iguana Fact

Did you know:

Male iguana's have two penises?

Neither did I until today. There's about a million things I could say about that, but I'll just think them instead. Can you believe that's the only thing I learned today?

For more iguana penis info, Iguana Sex Toys

Beware the Ole Bark Cover-Up

"A few days" have turned into a few weeks now, in prepping my house to "put on the market". I started out thinking, "No biggie, we'll just finish painting the living room and clean up the backyard". Well, let that be a lesson to you. I've already learned the hard way. Anyway, today I learned a new trick. I'm sure it's an old trick, but I'm a new dog.

Shredded bark does for your yard what paint does for, in my case, everything else. There's a saying running through my head, my own twisted twist on something an old friend once said, "A little bit of bark can hide a multitude of sins". How true it is. As I was spreading the splintery crap around my precious new Impatients today, I started feeling the same sense of satisfaction I get when framing one of my photographs. It's amazing what the right frame does for an image. That's what bark will do for a crappy yard! It's amazing how much better my yard looks now. And it was sooooo easyyyy! Why didn't I do this years ago?

This isn't my yard, but I found this image on www.Thriftyfun.com and had to share it, just so I can say Thrifty fun. Thrifty. Fun. Hmm.

There is of course, a flip side. I did notice as we were "house hunting" (and believe me, hunt is the right word here, as it's every bit as brutal and gory.) , a lot of yards covered in bark. I actually lost interest in a great house because of the "bark factor", even before I was wisened to the trick.

Beware the ole bark cover-up she says.

Earthquake!

Crap! We just had an earthquake! It was only 4.4, but it was really close and it was scary. My lesson for today is:

It's time to get prepared for the BIG ONE!

Here's a good site for more information on earthquake preparedness. Click here.

One Red Paperclip

Since I usually don't keep up with the news, I'm pretty sure I'm about a year behind on this one and you've more than likely heard all about it, but, I am completely amazed, inspired and in love with this idea. I found it today on a blog search. It's by a guy who trades a paperclip for a house. Check it out yourself.

One Red Paperclip

I'm seriously considering trading my job for an island. Think I can do it?