What a Goat Knows

There are only 8,700 seats left in Heaven.

According to Jehovah's Witnesses, 135,300 of the 144,000 available already have jackets, purses and program guides laying across them. I'm not going to do the math, but that's only a teeny tiny little percentage of us living here on earth right now. And after typing "salvation" into the search box on the Official Website of the Watchtower Society, (which gave a little shiver in my hedonistic, sin-full, agnostic soul), I learned that if you buy Girl Scout cookies, you're definitely not one of the 8,700.

I'd like to know what happens if 8,701 souls do everything right. Those who abide with no chess playing, no birthday parties, no jury duty. The ones who tenaciously knock on your door when you're taking a crap, attend more meetings per week than a recovering crack addict, and abstain from donating to charity (except to Watchtower causes). If for no other reason than to see the game of musical chairs played out in the board room of heaven, I'd like to buy a pass.

My thinking however, is that heavenly kingdom will look something like a movie theatre playing the next Costner flick.