Loco Coconut Facts

The other day we saw coconuts at the store for a buck each, so we got a couple just for fun. When we got home, we drilled a few holes in those eye things and drank the water inside. Then we cracked it open with a hammer and tried to eat it. Suddenly, the fantastical survivalist in me who often makes birthday wishes to be stranded on an island, thought it might be a good idea to do some training and figure out how to open one without the wonder of tools and electricity. (stop looking at those freckles) But, as usual around here, I got sidetracked and forgot to look it up.
My fantasy island life was in full effect today, and I was reminded that I still don't know what to do if I were dying of thirst and a drill-bit didn't get washed up on shore with me. But now I know that I will survive if there are coconuts on my island, because I know how to open one without electricity.

The first thing I would do, assuming I was alone, is look for a mute native boy in his early twenties. Then later, when I got thirsty, I'd get a stick and sharpen the end by rubbing it on a stone. Next, I'd find the soft eye, which is usually like the black sheep of the three coconut eyes. It's darker, and not symmetrical like the other two uptight hard ass eyes. Then I'd just start gouging it out until, voila! Fresh, sterile, tasty water. Then I'd bash it with a big rock to get the "meat" inside.

So now that the serious stuff is taken care of, let's look at some dumb coconut facts. (or you can just stare at those freckles)


The word "coco" was the Portuguese word for goblin, which is what the early Portuguese explorers thought the three eyes on the end of the nut looked like.

Charcoal filters used in gas masks and cigarettes are made from burnt coconut shells.

In Zanzibar, diesel fuel is made from coconut oil.

Wood from old palm trees is called "porcupine wood" and is used to make furniture.

In the Northern India old days, coconuts were fertility symbols, and when a woman wanted to get pregnant, she would go to a priest to receive her "special coconut."

People in New Guinea think that when the first man died on their island, the first coconut palm tree sprouted from his head.

Women in Bali are not allowed to touch a coconut tree, because men think she will drain the tree of its fertility.

In World War II, coconut water became the emergency room glucose supply when there was no other sterile glucose available.

Lauric acid found in coconut oil can be effective in treating the measles, the flu and Herpes.

A wine called "tuba" can be made from palm sap.

I think that's enough for now. Does anybody have a boat?