Jack Be Quick

My special musician, Colonel Angus, has been practicing for an upcoming gig, and I've had to listen to the Rolling Stones Jumpin' Jack Flash song over and over tonight. I used to like the song before that stupid Whoopi Goldberg movie ruined it. Now whenever I hear it, all I can think about is her crazy hair. So knowing that Mick Jagger wasn't singing about a crappy movie, I've always wondered what he actually was singing about. Now I know.

Jack Flash is a slang term for heroine. Jumping Jack Flash is heating it over a candle, sort of like the nursery rhyme character, nimble little Jack.

"I was born in a cross-fire hurricane
And I howled at my ma in the driving rain,
But it's all right now, in fact, it's a gas!
But it's all right. I'm Jumpin' Jack Flash,
It's a Gas! Gas! Gas!

I was raised by a toothless, bearded hag,
I was schooled with a strap right across my back,
But it's all right now, in fact, it's a gas!
But it's all right, I'm Jumpin' Jack Flash,
It's a Gas! Gas! Gas!

I was drowned, I was washed up and left for dead.
I fell down to my feet and I saw they bled.
I frowned at the crumbs of a crust of bread.
Yeah, yeah, yeah
I was crowned with a spike right thru my head.
But it's all right now, in fact, it's a gas!
But it's all right, I'm Jumpin' Jack Flash,
It's a Gas! Gas! Gas!"

Not this

Yikes.

I can't promise that I'm totally right about this because I haven't actually asked Mr. Jagger himself, but it sounds pretty damn accurate to me.