Red Red Pistachios

I know why some pistachio's are red.
Today while I was struggling like a thumbless monkey trying to open one, I wondered why some of them were sluts and some were devout Catholic virgins. Did the easy-open slit occur whilst still on the tree, or did it happen during the handling process? My inquiring mind had to know, so I looked it up. Now I know as much about these sensual looking nuts as I do about Madonna's sex life.
As stolen verbatim from the California Pistachio Commission:

The pistachio kernel typically develops during the month of July; the enlarged nut pushes on the surrounding shell to cause a natural split. The hull, which serves as a protective covering for the nut, remains intact. As the nut ripens, the hull separates from the shell, and is easily removed when pinched; the hull often turns rosy in color when further ripened. Timing of harvest is important to allow for the greatest amount of naturally split nuts.

Ehm, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?

Oh, and about the red. Most pistachios in the world used to come from the Middle East. American importers dyed the shells red both to disguise staining from antiquated harvesting methods and to make pistachios stand out among other nuts in vending machines.

Since 1976, most of the ones we get are grown right here in California and they can be enjoyed in their natural flesh color.
Now if you'll please excuse me....