Eair Heh

I was wandering aimlessly around the office today, whimpering with abdominal pain. After finding no sympathies or relief anywhere, I worked my way down to the part time high school girl, who unbelievably, understood me! She said she had watched an interesting show on Oprah the other day about this woman who claims to have discovered the five words that all babies around the world speak. My daily lesson bell went off and I asked her to tell me all about it.

This woman Priscilla (what the fuck kind of name is that?) says that all babies have the same reflexes and therefore make the same sounds, which she is calling words. Here they are:

Neh = "I'm hungry"
Owh = "I'm sleepy"
Heh = "I'm experiencing discomfort"
Eair = "I have lower gas"
Eh = "I need to burp"

She also says that if parents don't respond to these reflexes, the baby will eventually stop using them.

It's true. They start using things like, "Where's my fucking dinner?", "I cut first period because I was already late", and "Look at these paintball welts!".

Eair heh. Eair heh! Eair HEH!! Eh. Owh.