Queen of the Night

I just got in from another thrilling game of hide-and-seek outside in the dark of night. A few times a year my boys and their friends will talk me into playing with them for an hour or so. It's hard to say no to a group of begging teenage boys, so I'll put on a bunch of black clothes and kick their little asses around the 'hood.

So what could I possibly learn from this? A few things. I don't want to give away any of my stealthy new hiding secrets, but I will say this-

I'm the fucking queen of hiding.

I only got found once and that's because one of the losers ratted me out.

It's a little embarrassing when you find out one of the neighbors is watching you, and it's kind of hard to explain what you're doing. Especially when one of the favored hiding spots is in a giant garbage can and you're certain someone has to be down there somewhere. It's also a little creepy when you're crouched down in some ingenious yet calf-cramping pretzle position for 15 minutes and you feel something crawling on you.

Somehow this isn't exactly what I meant when I wished to be surrounded by boys when I grew up, but we have a lot of fun and I get to feel like a kid again. I highly recommend it, but, play at your own risk. Don't blame me if someone calls the cops on you. Or you get shot, or eaten by a dog, or break your leg or whatever might happen. That would be your own fault for listening to someone who's almost 40 and running around at night with black pantyhose on her head.