5 Years and a Dime Later

Yes, I admit, I used that title so I'd get found on today's expected surge of searches for Sept. 11, but I also really did want to write something related to the issue.
I've spent the last week with a sense of forboding about this day. I was honestly expecting something bad to happen. So much so, that last Friday at work, I left some crap unfinished, thinking it wouldn't really matter once Nine Eleven 2006 arrived.
Well, as the uneventful end-O-day draws neigh and the status quo remains the status quo, I've learned what it means to find a dime in the United States Postal Service parking lot today, September 11th, stamped 2001.

It doesn't mean anything.

I'd like to think it was a special message to, "Never forget what happened on this day, in this year, five years ago", or saying, "Today we are safe", but I think if it means anything, it means some mail carrier (maybe Dan, our hottie mailman?) had a hole in his or her pocket today.
It was still a nice little experience though, and I'm glad I got to waste my free thinking on the "What does this mean?", question, instead of surviving mass destruction and devastation.
BTW, I left the dime on the sorting table inside the post office, hoping someone else will have a chance to wonder what it means to find a 2001 dime today.

Goodnight Sweetheart

I'm so tired. I was just looking for a nice image of a girl sleeping for my post, and then I was going to write something about teaching myself to go to bed early. Then I found something a teeny bit more interesting. I said a teeny bit.

The period of falling asleep is called the Hypnogogic state, and waking up is called the Hypnopompic state. There is something called Hypnogogic Sensations, which are dream-like experiences that occur during either state. Have you ever just drifted off to sleep and then jumped up suddenly because you felt like you were falling? That was a hypnogogic sensation.

It was very interesting reading, but I'm really tired. I'm going to go do some field research and see if I can find some fun hypnogogic sensations.

Here's a little blurbage for your reading pleasure, but I recommend you go look it up for more interesting information.

The hypnagogic state can be accompanied by or associated with anomalous phenomena such as alien abduction, ESP, telepathy, apparitions, or prophetic or crisis visions....

Say Cheese!

The other day I was looking for something fun to do with a 4 year old, and I came across a recipe to make your own cottage cheese. Now there's something different. Only thing is, you need sour milk. When was the last time we had sour milk in the house? Well, lucky (?) enough for me, we just happened to find some in the fridge this morning, a split second before it got poured onto breakfast. Ta-da! Ask and ye shall receive.
According to the recipe I have, you just need to slowly heat the sour milk until a liquid (called whey) forms on the top, and then you pour it off to get your "curds". Go ahead and say it. Miss Muffat. There.
I found out later that you need to start off with not just sour milk, you need down-right disgusting, curdled, solid rotten milk. Ghee-ross. Since I had already begun heating my only-a-little-gross sour milk, I continued on and learned the following:

I can make Ricotta cheese! And it's not bad. I just simmered it for about an hour, and little white curds started to appear. I poured the whole thing into a colander lined with cheese cloth (now I know why it's called that) , added salt, squeezed it a few times, and voila! I have something that looks and tastes exactly like Ricotta. It looks just like this picture.

So I'm thinking tomorrow night I might make lasagne for dinner. I also think I might start getting in to making other kinds of cheese.

Zine Fest

The only thing I really learned today, I learned on Myspace.

A "friend" I have, mainly because I like his name and picture, posted a bulletin about the San Francisco Zine Fest this weekend. A bunch of people who publish their own Zines or comics will be showing their stuff and it sounds pretty cool and interesting.

I didn't know about it yesterday, so I figure this is something learned. Today I'm blogging it, tomorrow I'm attending it.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, a zine is usually a small circulation, independent, self-published mini-magazine, that almost never makes any profit.

San Francisco Zine Fest

Why?

Someone is earning a living making shoes for dogs.


Sorry, but I didn't learn anything else today. Can anybody please explain this Photoshop hack job to me, and then tell me why a dog needs shoes? Nevermind. Please don't.

Atlas, Amber, Alcyone and Automobiles

Some interesting stuff I learned today and funny enough, it All starts with the letter "A".
It started when I Asked myself, "What's the big deal About Subaru's? Everybody fucking loves Subaru's. What Am I missing here?".
A while back I heard they were marketing to lesbians, but since I Actually know only one Subaru driving lesbian, I thought I'd figure out if there was something else About them that Attracts Alot of people I know. Which led to the following:

Automobiles: Subaru is the Japanese term identifying the cluster of (the car company says six, but I say seven) stars, known as Pleiades. How they decided to use this term for their name is semi-retarded as far as I can see. They say in 1953, 5 Japanese companies merged to form a new corporation, and that's why their logo is 6 stars that look like Pleiades even though there are 7 stars in this cluster, one for each of the Greek mythological seven sisters. I guess they're being visually literal and taking into account that you can only really see six of the seven. Whatever. Sounds lame to me. Maybe they had a different numerical system in 1953.

Alcyone: One of the seven sisters, sometimes known as Halcyone, which is also another name for the Kingfisher bird. The largest kingfisher is the Laughing Kookaburra, which made me laugh so I had to share. Kingfishers kill their prey by beating it to death, which I also think is funny. Yes I do.

Amber: Amber is Latin for Electrum. Electrum in Greek is Elektron. Another of the seven sisters is Electra, which means 'amber'. Some guy (Thales of Miletus, but who cares?) in 600 BC discovered that a rubbed piece of amber will attract bits of straw, thereby discovering static electricity. So which came first, the chicken or the egg? I don't know what any of this means anymore. Elektron= Electrum= Amber= Static Electricity when rubbed= Electricity= Carmen Electra. That must be it.

Atlas: Of course this led to Atlas, whom I'm embarrased to say I didn't know or remember until today, is the father of the seven sisters.

And that is All I learned today. I still don't get the Subaru thing though.

Things I Never Knew About Myself

I was just sitting here thinking that the only thing I learned today was that sometimes I'm an idiot. Then I realized that I've known that for a while now, so I can't blog that tidbit. After a few minutes of self reprimanding followed by a spritz of "who cares?", I read my e-mail. My faithful reader and person I call Bitch (aka Mom), sent me a fun link. I'll give it to you in a sec, but first you have to read some new information I learned about myself today.

• I've slept through most of 14,147 sunrises.
• I could boil 4.46 US ounces of water with the birthday candles on my next birthday cake. If I get one.
  
• I'm the same age as a dog that is 5. 53698630136986 years old.
• My Native American Zodiac sign is an owl. I didn't realize there was a Native American Zodiac.
• My musical vibration is a C sharp. A female deer on a C sharp major scale.
  
• My Yang and Yin are in perfect balance.
• My Life Path number is 11, which is a Master number. Oooooh, I'm special. It means I have the potential for greatness. Yep.
• My conception day was most likely on a Tuesday and in a car. Right mom?
• My birth tree is a Fig tree. Yum. I love figs, but a birth tree?
  
• The picture above is my Chinese sign, Year of the Goat. Maaaaaaa.

Wasn't that fun and interesting? Now you can go find out this interesting kind of knowledge about yourself.

Click here if you're an idiot too sometimes.
Click here if you're never an idiot.

I love you mom.

Non-Instant Karma, or Steve Irwin Finally Bites It

Aw, sweet, docile, graceful stingray. How beautiful you are. I think I'll wrestle you and torture you for the purpose of entertaining a bunch of idiots. Here I co .. shit ...I ...think ... stung

Stingray's can kill you.

I know, you've already heard that, but I really didn't know that a stingray would sting you and you could die from it. I also now know that stingrays are in the Dasyatidae family, of the Rajiformes order in the Chondrichthyes class of the Chordata phylum in the Animalia kingdom, and that Wikipedia has already cited Steve Irwin's death under the "Aggression" section on it's stingray page. Wow, that's pretty wiki-wiki, Wiki!

Really Serious Vodka

I just signed the counter to the counter to the counter on the offer for my house. Yay me. (Notice no exclamation point here). It's definitely Martini time folks, and lesson time. Here goes.

Hangar One makes a fine Grey Goose alternative for a dirty martini. Or two.

And I'm not getting paid to say so. They're pretty cool. Check them out.
Hangar One Vodka.
I like the picture on the front page. Alot. I am drunk. Ish.

The Conquest of Happiness

Boring day for learning, so here's a quote I found appropriate.

There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge. ~Bertrand Russell

Like this sign I found on Engrish.com

May you have good pleasure here.

Tom Skat

Luckily, I learned today that:

Not only has Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' (I'm not on a first name basis like most people think they are) little Suri been born with a silver spoon in her mouth, but she's lucky enough to have a bronze casting of her first real turd.

Artist Daniel Edwards thought, "A bronzed cast of baby's first poop can be a meaningful memento for the family". And if that weren't enough, it's going to be sold on E-bay after being exhibited in the same New York gallery that thought a life size, nude sculpture of Britney Spears giving birth would be an item of interest. I'm considering offering my bid to buy it.

I thought having my daddies baby shoes bronzed was a snobbish, stupid thing to do...

Fermented Milk Product

We all had Thai lunch together at the office today, one of my favorite meals. We like it spicy and spicy it was! In fact, it was so spicy, our designer could barely eat it and wanted yogurt. Yogurt? Yeah. Here's what I learned:

Yogurt helps tame the spice burn. There are several dishes made from yogurt for this very purpose. Thair Shadam, or Thayir sadaam, is a yogurt-rice course. It might come with hot pickles. Hot Pickles? Mmmm. (Wouldn't that defeat the purpose though?) Dahi is what they serve with Indian food. Raita is fresh yogurt with spices, cucumber, onions and tomatoes.

I had no idea. I guess they only serve it to wimps.

Sex

I didn't learn

today.

But I got your attention using "Sex" for a title, didn't I?

Things To Do at Burning Man

My excellent friend called me yesterday on his way to Burning Man (he does this every year), and (once again) I'm still here, living vicariously through the website. One of these years...
Here are some things I learned today, that you can do this year:

• Get married by a whore
• Have a sacred sexual massage ( if you're a woman)
• Build a home with Legos
• Treasure hunt for a Pee Funnel
• Play "Weird Poker", where you make up the game as you go
• Get a free pair of panties
• Ride tricycles on a figure 8 track
• Give your feet a vinegar foot wash
• Enjoy a blowjob on a stick
• Learn to snort Vodka
• Play on a Slip n Slide
• Adopt a Gnome
• Get your carcass washed by other humans
• Learn some good old fashioned pole dancing
• Get flogged
• Take a fire breathing class

And so much more.... It makes getting up and going to work this week even harder. I hope he brings me some pictures. At least!

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

I think I'll start with The Bad Crap that I learned today.

The stupid people who's house I was going to buy, accepted the other offer. Hmph.
I'm sorry for calling them stupid. I'm just poopy. And they must be dumb. Ok, sorry again.

The Good News is:

I have $85!
Woo hoo! I thought I was in the hole a few hundred bucks and that was why I kept getting "Credit card failed" e-mails from my website host.

And The Ugly would be:

I have to switch my website host because, yet again, there was a "glitch in the system", which "suspended" my website due to an incorrect failed credit card error even though my quarterly bill isn't due until next month, and I have 85 bucks in my account even if it were due right now.
Hand over that 44 pistola, would ya Clint?

Full-Court What?

At 9 freaking AM this morning, Sunday morning mind you, my realtor calls both of my phones to wake me up and tell me someone is about to make an offer on the house that I want. The one I was just dreaming about when the phone jerked me awake. E-gads, now what? I want that house, damn it! Last month I swear he said it was a buyers market. Whatever. Anyway, his suggestion was to put in an offer immediately, at more than the asking price, with a short 2 week contingency on selling my house, and "We'll put on a Full-Court Press". Ehm, excuse me? A what? When I said I've never heard this expression, this is what I learned:

A Full-Court Press is a basketball term, referring to a desparate manuever where the entire defense puts intense pressure on the offense the full length of the court, and something something something.

Wait a sec. I drank a lot of alcohol last night and it's only 9 o'clock in the morning. Weren't we just talking about my new pool? So of course I say, "And this applies to my house how?", and my lesson continued:

Figuratively, it means a vigorous attack or offensive. And in real estate, in my town, on a Sunday morning, it means wake the fuck up and start selling your house like you're Dennis Rodman.

Or something. So, anyone want to buy this cute house? It's on a quiet street with good neighbors, has a big backyard, a fireplace, cool hardwood floors, ......
And someday you can tell everyone you live where THE Donna Piranha (not Madonna) used to have sex on the living room floor. Right there! (See Advice From a Hedonist, down at August 10th).

Blog Before You Party

Yeah, what she said.

Calling All Planets

Due to financial cutbacks, we're going to have to let someone go. Which one of you is Pluto?
Yesterday I heard that it was Jupiter who got fired, but today I learned, it was Pluto who got the axe. Poor little guy.
The new official mnemonic will be; My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nothing.
Remember, you read it here first.

New Neighbors

I just learned that we have new neighbors across the street!

How exciting. And scary. Who are these people? I hope they bake us cookies. Oh wait, I guess I should be the one doing the baking. Darn. Anyone have any good recipes?
This new neighbor knowledge, (NNK), has prompted me to look up the demographics for this town. Here are some interesting things I also learned today:

• In 2003, the number of murders and homocides here was 0. That's zero.
• There are more women here than men, by about a thousand. Total population is only about 9 thousand.
  
• 93% of the people here are white, but I totally do NOT believe it. (Our new neighbors are in the .4% ethnic group, which is super refreshing.)
• The average lifetime diesel soot cancer risk is 1 in 4,900. I wondered what that number was. What it is where you live?
  

So that's it for today. It's going to be fun learning about the new peeps! More to come.

The Other Side of the Needle

An old friend called me today, crying. She's going through a really ugly divorce and needed support. I lovingly listened and sympathized through her side of the story and did my best to comfort her. I think I said the right things. I hope I made a difference.
I really want her to know that I completely and totally understand. I've been there. I've learned. I know. When you're in the middle of it, it's hard to see that it won't always be so messy and blurry and crazy. I hope I got that across at least.
I know it sounds terrible, but while I was listening to her, something good happened to me. I saw a beautiful picture of my life. 10 years ago it was me going through hell while she was enjoying her precious new baby. I wasn't jealous, but I was envious, in a positive way if that makes sense. I wished I could be in her shoes. So secure, so loved, so peaceful. I never, ever thought that I'd be sitting here, in my own cute little cozy home, with the almost greatest guy right beside me, our own little guy asleep in his little bed, after a day of listening to her seperation woes. Never. So today I guess I learned a few things.

1- Things change. Dramatically and quickly sometimes. Of course I already knew that, but this really made it obvious, like nothing ever has.
2- You really can't tell how happy people are just by looking.
3- There are no perfect relationships. There are good ones, and great ones, but none are perfect.
4- You get what you want, eventually.
5- I'm really proud, grateful and satisfied to be where I am right now.
6- It feels soooo excellent coming through the other side.

I think sometimes it's good for you to squeeze through and get a little scarred. I can't imagine if I didn't. I'm so much stronger now. And wiser. I know she will be too. I hope I can help her to see that.