Wonders Never Cease

Wow.

My ex-husband knows what an epiphany is and can correctly use the word in a sentence. Not only that, he actually had one.

Wow. I wonder if he can spell it?

The Dolphin Dilemmas

I'm in a bit of a dilemma here. It's a small, trivial, silly dilemma, but a dilemma just the same. I hope after writing the word dilemma so many times that I'm spelling it right. Anyway, my dilemma is this; what I learned today came from a blog I like to read, written by someone I know. He is amazing and there's no way I could say it any better than he did. I just feel a little funny about blogging about something he already did, know what I mean? I suppose I could just link over there, and I will, but, you know, I should say something of my own. I'll give it a whirl.

Today I learned from Eric over at Vonneguts Asshole, that sweet little ole dolphins not only like to have porn sex, they like to gang bang. Check it out.

I always had the notion that people who liked dolphins were lesbians. No offense or anything, but I have a memory of hearing that somewhere. Just now I Googled "lesbian dolphins" and found
The Dolphin Democrats,


who's mission statement reads, "It shall be the mission of this organization to foster good will between gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender (GLBT) members of the Democratic Party and the community at large. We seek individual freedom in the framework of a just society and political freedom in the framework of meaningful participation by all citizens."
So, I guess I was right. I wonder how they would feel about their namesake after reading the Asshole blog? Anyway, Go Dolphin Democrats!

I also found several Women Only and gay/lesbian dolphin watching trips, and learned that male Bottlenose Dolphins are "characterized by extensive bisexuality, combined with periods of exclusive homosexuality".
I also found this little gem, on the Best of Craigslist.
It's a rant or something by a girl who likes to do interesting things with her middle finger, as well as speaking 5 different dolphin languages. It's a bit crude but if you can handle this blog, you can probably handle it.

The Great Garbage Patch

I was looking up some information on childrens author Eric Carle today, and I discovered that a book he wrote called 10 Little Rubber Ducks was based on a real life adventure.

In the beginning of 1992, a container full of plastic bathtub toys fell off a ship somewhere near the International Date Line in the Pacific Ocean. 10 months later, yellow ducks, green frogs, blue turtles, and red beavers were being found on beaches in Alaska. They've also traveled to Japan, Hawaii, Maine and even Scotland and are still being found today, with an expected surge in 2007.
I also learned that as many as 10,000 containers fall off ships every year, and due to ocean currents in the north pacific, drifters get caught in something called the Subtropical Gyre. In the center of this Texas-sized orbit is a graveyard full of lost cargo called the Garbage Patch.

Now I want one of those toys. I also want to see this Big Lots of the sea with my own eyes.

Ok, I tried not to but I can't resist.... Red Beavers.

Karenga's Krazy Kwanzaa

I got an email today from Someone that listed The 7 Principles of Kwanzaa, and I realized that I all I know about the African celebration is that it happens in December and it's something like Christmas. I know a lot more now.

Today is the first of a 7 day, non-religious, African cultural celebration, started in 1966 by a paranoid schizophrenic Marxist, 14th son of a chicken farmer who gave himself the title Maulana, which means "master teacher", and who later got arrested for beating and torturing two women. He also started an organization called the United Slaves.

The 7 Principles are; Unity, Self determination, Collective work and responsibility (wtf?), Cooperative economics (again, wtf?), Purpose, Creativity, and Faith.
There are also 7 symbols, including 7 candles. What's with all the 7's?
The symbols are; food to represent a good harvest (remember, it's summer in Africa right now), a mat to represent the foundation from which history is built, a menorah-like candle holder which holds 1 black candle to represent the people, 3 red candles to represent the suffering, and 3 green candles to represent hope for the future, corn to represent children, (corn to represent children?), a grail (grael?) called the Unity Cup, and of course, gifts.

On December 31st, there is a big feast called Karamu where they serve Caribou. Just kidding. It just rhymes so I thought... nevermind. Anyway, that's as much as I need to know about Kwanzaa. Any questions?

I also learned that our former president and last member of the Warren Commission, Gerald Ford, died today on this first day of Kwanzaa. Hmm. Copy cat. But I think it might actually be cooler than the Funk Father croaking on Christmas.
Next?

Beheading and Other Survival Skills

Today was my bi-annual catalog photo shoot day, and in my free time between setting up shots, I read the Chronicle. I learned something from columnist Leah Garchik (I love that name), and hopefully you'll learn something from columnist Diva Donna.

In case you ever find yourself behind enemy lines, you can prepare for the unlikely event by attending a class in Las Vegas held by the Counter Terrorism Training School. Starting next Wednesday through Friday, you can learn how to survive a beheading attempt or other forms of execution, as well as how to escape from captivity. You can also learn how to free yourself from being tied by rope, duct tape, wire or handcuffs.

Who beheads anymore? That's so French. Sooooo 18th century.
I think I'm going to sign up just so I can see how to survive an attempt. I mean, really, can you actually survive a beheading attempt? This I have to see. I'd also like to learn how to escape from captivity. Mon Dieu, do I need to learn how to escape. Plus, all this fun is happening in the Motherland and I miss it so.

I also learned not to:

-Image search the word "execution"
-Image search the word "torture"
-Make eye contact with the creep next to me in stop and go, 2 mph commuter traffic
-Drink spiced rum with sparkling pomogranate juice before both breakfast and 10:30 am

Je répète, mon Dieu!

Tiny Trivendi

Because he knows I always enjoy a good penis story, the Colonel sent me a link to some Yahoo news today, where I learned the following important information:

60% of men in India have penii an inch smaller than what condom manufacturers made, based on the international average penis. And another 30% of Indian men were 2 inches smaller. Because the condoms keep slipping off during use, men in India have the highest HIV positive "caseload". Thus says the Indian Council of Medical Research.

Ouch. That's gotta hurt.
Or not. (hahahaha) (sorry)
I'd like to know who and how the international average penis size was assessed.

Happy Birthday Lalalalalalala!

Santa's Satanic Little Helper

This is probably one of those things that everybody in the world already knows about, but I just learned it today, and I LOVE IT.

St. Nicholas, better known here as Santa Claus, has his own personal assistant who travels around with him, and it's not Rudolph . Knecht Ruprecht became a servant when St. Nick caught him trying to pickle some little kids and sell them as ham. One of the reasons Nicholas is a saint is because he found the barrel O'dead kids and resurrected them. Now Ruprecht is forever Santa's knecht (servant). In Germany, the story goes that on December 5th or 6th, St. Nick will go around to the houses making his list of who's been naughty and nice. Knecht Ruprecht, who is dressed like Santa but in dark colors, carries a stick with him and if the kids who answer the door don't perform well, he beats them with the stick. Sometimes if they're really bad, they get thrown into his sack and tossed into a river.

How can you not love that?
I wish I would have learned this story when my teenagers were little kids.
Oh, and incidentally, Bart Simpsons dog in German is Knecht Ruprecht.